Kids and Spirituality

It is really important that as we follow our own spiritual path we don’t forget that gifted children are also forming and developing their own spiritual beliefs as they grow. Talking to kids about what they think G-O-D is, about the afterlife, what happens when you die, ethical behaviour, the treatment of our planet and what it means to be human are all vital in setting foundations for beliefs as they enter into their teenage years and into adulthood.

Children are bound to bring up questions about spirituality and its important that these questions are not dismissed and are handled with sensitivity and care. If you don’t know the answer say “I don’t know.” 

Often these talks come when we aren’t prepared. I’ve experienced this first hand. Recently my 6 year old asked me “If God made everything than who made God.” My response was, “That’s a great question. I don’t know who made God. One day when we die maybe we find out but I don’t think anyone knows who made God right now.” No amount of research would help me answer this question and the reality is there is no point making things up saying “God was always there” etc. because I didn’t know the answer and I was not going to create a story for my 6 year old to form a false belief from. 

From the eyes of a child, things are easier to understand if they can relate to what you are saying. For example. As humans we don’t know if God is a being, intelligent energy etc. but for children to understand at a young age they need to relate the concept to something they find familiar and thus the idea of God as a physical being is something they can visualise and therefore find familiar. 

Explaining beliefs to children by using familiar examples is not wrong, it allows them to then expand on these ideas as they develop both mentally and physically. In spirituality the idea of God as a man is dismissed and the adoption of God as energy is embraced but there are no rules here. The beauty about this is you find your own path and your own beliefs and rarely can you be proven wrong.  

On this page I have outlined some steps you can take to help your child develop their own spirituality. 

1. Recognise and acknowledge your childs unsaid feelings 

This starts from the minute they are born when children can not communicate with words. Knowing your child and learning to recognise patterns in their behaviours will help to recognise deep feelings they have regarding what is happening around them. As children grow, starting school can change how we communicate with them. School yard issues or childhood drama’s are explained with limited vocabulary and sometimes parents don’t get the whole message of what is happening. 

Learning to recognise the feelings that are attached to the issues that play out are important as these days we do not focus on teaching children how to be emotionally intelligent enough. Talking to children about their feelings and letting them know its ok to feel sad, angry, upset or alone is important to helping them develop both socially and emotionally. These emotions should not be dismissed and you should not tell them to ignore what they are feeling. They will not learn if they do not feel.

2. Bin the Skepticism

Many parents have been caught out by their children retelling stories from home that were “private” or “embarrassing”. Why is this? Well, children are more willing to talk about things that adults feel are private or embarrassing because they haven’t yet learned to be secretive and embarrassed. Cynicism, distrust, suspicion are all traits we learn in the journey to adulthood. These traits do not come naturally as a child and although being cynical is a natural guard we use to protect ourselves from disappointment it is not something we are born with. This kind of thinking strangles our natural that is within us. 

It shuts down hope and makes us mock the very things we yearn for deep down acceptance and love. We are born innocent and trusting and there needs to be a natural balance to be able to heal yourself and those around you. Being too cynical is poisonous and stifles the air around you. Be alert to all that your children are going through and one way to encourage our children to be spiritual is to discuss their concerns and questions seriously, without being dismissive or negative about their thoughts. Encouraging children to embrace their own spirituality happens through openly discussing their concerns and questions without being dismissive or negative to their ideas or opinions.

3. Gratitude

Try to point out the things that you are grateful for and ask your children to do the same. Get into the habit of doing this daily and include things about health, relationships, daily events, skills, surrounding etc. Gratitude make all of us more aware of the good in our lives and allows us to feel a sense of peace and calm in our daily lives as we deal with the ins and outs of a busy stress filled day. Gratitude centers us and allows us to let go of stress, anger and frustrations. 

4. You don’t know everything

There are always things in this life that we don’t know. Pretending to a child that we have all the answers does not help them. There is strength in admitting to children we don’t know something. We often find ourselves in situations with children where we feel we need to give them an answer but sometimes the answer is “I don’t know”. If you find yourself in this situation it is ok to say you don’t know and if the question allows you to search for an answer together. 

The world they are entering in is confusing enough and they do not have to unlearn things they have been taught by adults as right when the answer is not. This makes children lose faith and trust in the adults around them and over time they will feel like they are being lied to and will stop asking you questions. Children learn from adults and instead of teaching them to make things up when they don’t know the answer searching and looking for the correct answer will teach them strength and it will feed their inquisitive minds. 

5. Stop, Look and Listen

As adults we tend to think our role with children is to teach them without realising that they in fact teach us some of the most important lessons of our lives. Children can often spark memories in you of your own childhood and teach you a lot about the parts of you which have been forgotten. In today’s busy lifestyle we often go about our day to day lives having children circling us but do we really see them? Do we really hear them? Have you sat and watched your children play or chat with their friends? Have you watched the expressions on their faces change as the conversations change. Getting to know your child from the outside can give you an idea on how they look at the world and can spark ideas in you on what you can discuss when it comes to spirituality.

6. Explore and learn about different religions

Whether you are bringing up your children to be Christian, Islamic, Jewish, Buddhist and so on you can still learn about other religions without feeling like it diminishes your chosen faith. Adopting the religious practices of your faith is and should be separate from your journey to find your own spirituality. Spirituality is a journey within that explores all aspects of you. Your beliefs, your emotions, your relationships, everything that makes you – you. You may find that once you learn about other religions the central core beliefs are no different to your own. 

Exploring other religions can strengthen your own faith and your own ideas about spirituality whether that be through a formal religion or outside of one. Talking to children about why people believe what they do is important to understanding why you believe what you do. It will help you question things in a healthy way and open up your understanding of people who are very different to you but yet the same. Learning new things together brings us closer to each other.

7. Meditate with your kids

Mindfulness is a great way to explore spiritual practices with children and it is a great way to manage stress and worry. Allocating a time to meditate with your children even if it is for only a few minutes a day will help expand your relationship with your children. As they grow they may like to explore these practices alone. This is ok and healthy. For more information on mindfulness for kids click here. 

MEDITATION EXERCISES

ABC around the room

This meditation exercise needs to be done in silence. The aim is to have children connect with the space they are in and to notice the things around them that are often overlooked. Children are to look around the room and observe silently the things around them that start with the letters of the alphabet. Once they feel they can not find any more things they can sit silently and think about the things around them. Saying the name of the thing they named followed by the words “thank you”. When they get to the end discuss the things around them. Where they came from. Who bought them etc.

The growing tree

This guided meditation is a great way to teach concentration, imagination, and a connection to nature. It teaches children to ground their energy through visualisation and can be used on children around the ages of 18 months. 

Have them lie down, sit on a chair or on the floor making sure they are comfortable and won’t move around much during the meditation. Once they are comfortable read the below meditation to them. You may wish to play some quite gentle relaxation music or some music of nature in the background.   

You are a tiny seed in the ground covered by earth. You are warm and you feel the soft earth all around you. You can feel the gentle rain wet your skin… Then you feel the warm sun shining down on you. You feel warm and happy and you start to grow. 

You grow slowly until you poke out of the ground. As you grow tall your feet are still buried in the soil. They are growing strong roots that keep you steady and push deep into the ground. You keep growing and now your stem has leaves growing out from it. The leaves open one by one and you get bigger and bigger. You are now growing into a tree. 

You grow up and up and up. Stretching high into the sky, taller and taller. You finally stop growing. You are a beautiful tree with lots of leaves on it. Do you have fruit? What colour are you? How big are you? Feel the sun shining down on you. It feels warm on your face. Feel your feet. Do they feel strong in the ground? Can you feel the earth beneath you? 

Can you move them or are they stuck? Look around you. Who is a tree next to you? Can you feel them? Sit quietly now and feel what its like to be a tree. Do you like being a tree? Do you feel happy? Now look up at the blue sky and breathe in slowly and open your eyes.

Once the meditation has ended talk about what they saw during the meditation. What they look like. How big they were etc.

Breathing Meditation

Breathing is essential for humans to sustain life. Without breathing we couldn’t survive. Being conscious of the breathe helps us be aware of our body and is a great way to get kids started with meditation. We are always it is always with us therefore we can focus on it at any time. When children learn to meditate using the breathe they can do it at anytime they need. When they feel anxious, worried or stressed they can use the breathing techniques shown to you below to help counteract the worry and stress they feel.

We breathe best in an upright therefore it is best to have the children doing the meditation sit on a comfortable chair or couch with their body upright and back resting against the chair. Some children can get into the lotus position very comfortably. The lotus position is simply sitting with their legs crossed and having both feet folded up near their knees. If they can get into this position encourage this as it will be a great skill to continue to have as they get older. 

Children should have their backs straight with shoulders pulled back. They begin the meditation with their eyes closed and hands clasped together.

Then begin. 

Become aware of your breathing. Focus upon the feeling of the air flowing into your nose as you breathe in. Then breathe out and feel the warmth of the air as it leaves your nose or mouth. Keep repeating this and count each breathe as you slowly breathe in and out. After you have counted twenty breathes pause your thoughts and relax for a few moments than open your eyes.

You can lengthen the amount of time you take to complete this meditation each time you do it. Ideally you can aim for a child to complete 2 minutes of meditation. If they can not count to 120 split the counts up in blocks of 30.

Power Hug

Sit in a comfortable position and close your eyes. Think of the emotion you want the children to focus during the meditation and uses those emotions in positive affirmations in the meditation. For example, “I am safe in this moment”, “I am in control” , “right now I am happy” , “I am loved” , “I am enough”. Once you think of two affirmations you want to use you can Begin.

Relax and breathe in from you nose and breathe out slowly. Place your left hand on your right shoulder and tap on your shoulder 3 times. Then place your right hand on your left shoulder and tap three times. Then slowly squeeze yourself into a hug and say the two affirmations. Tap again three times and squeeze into the hug as you repeat the affirmations again. Repeat this as many times as necessary.

Focused Meditation

Get the child to pick an object they want to hold in their hands during the meditation. Make the object small enough so it isn’t heavy in their hands. A rock, crystal, snow globe, flower, piece of fabric etc would be perfect. Try not to use toys as young children will get distracted and begin to play with them. 

In a comfortable position ask the child to pick up the item in their hands and close their eyes. With their eyes closed breathe gently for about twenty seconds. They can then open their eyes and look at the object in their hand. Without speaking ask them to observe the object. What colour is it? What is it made from? Where did it come from? How was it made? What does it feel like? Is it hard or soft? Notice everything about the object.

Give then a minute to look at the object and then end the meditation by asking them if they want to share what they think about the object. 

The Elephant March Meditation

For an active child who can’t sit still you can use the following meditation to clear their mind from chatter and help ground them.

Find a space where the child doing the meditation can move around freely and comfortably without bumping into anything or hurting themselves. Have them start by standing in the middle of the room and ask them to take some deep breathes in and out before beginning. 

Begin by asking the child to stomp their left foot and then their right foot and then to exhale. As they breathe out they can make a noise of an elephant or just exhale deeply. Whatever they are comfortable with will work. Continue this pattern of stomping and exhaling for a few minutes than stop. Keep both feet flat on the ground and ask the children to close their eyes and connect with the ground beneath them. Does the ground feel wobbly, hard, soft? As they focus on connecting to the ground ask them to breathe out any anxiety, worry or stress. With each breathe they blow out anxiety and stress that no longer serves them. Repeat four to five times. 

When finished sit down and ask the child what they felt.

Mindful Kids

Mindfulness is the practice about living in the moment. To focus on the thoughts and feelings you are experiencing in the present “now” without adding layered thoughts of judgement, over-thinking, worry and stress. 

Sometimes mindfulness can be achieved through meditations, visualizations or breathing techniques to synchronise the mind and body to work as one in a beneficial way. For example, my mind is relaxed and so is my body in this moment in time. 

With children the goal of mindfulness is to help them to feel empowered and in control of their own thought patterns. Mindfulness goes beyond thoughts of the past or future that can weigh us down creating worry and stress. Instead it gives children the tools they need to create deep connections with themselves and what is happening only to them at that moment. 

Mindfulness empowers children of any age to accept their current thoughts and feelings and to form healthy habits in coping with big emotions that they are still about. 

Teaching children mindfulness sends them on the road to learn emotional intelligence and awareness. Parenting is one of the hardest jobs in the world and using tools that help your children cope with the difficulties they face as they grow into adulthood are priceless. Mindfulness is a great tool to use at any stage of a child’s development and can be adapted from infants to pre-adults and beyond. 

Although mindfulness initially will be used as a tool to work best it should be used as a way of life. There are several benefits to mindfulness that have been scientifically researched like anxiety, chronic pain insomnia and depression. 

Mindful Parenting

Being a mindful parent might seem difficult and time consuming as you try to navigate through everyday life. As great as it sounds it is virtually impossible to try and spend the whole day making your child think in a mindful way. Instead mindful parenting is best tackled by breaking down our day into manageable parts and looking at one challenge at a time. 

Over time we can gradually train our mind to be more present. In being more present we will hopefully experience calmer, clear thoughts with a healthy balance of compassion and empathy in our daily thoughts.  

HOW TO TACKLE STRESSFUL MOMENTS 

Step 1: Take a deep breathe

Step 2: Focus your mind on your breathe being drawn in and out of your mouth.

Step 3: Acknowledge your emotions of fear, stress, anxiety but don’t let them overwhelm you. Don’t try to make the feelings go away just observe them without acting on them. Keep yourself in that moment and then move your attention to your surroundings. Observe your surroundings and look around you. Think about where you are and ask yourself questions about your surroundings. What is different or special about where you are? Whether you are out and about or at home you can do this when stress or worry gets the better of you. 

Step 4: When your thoughts slip back to a place of worry, stress or fear begin the process again where you notice your breathe.   

Step 5: Return to whatever you were doing, responding to your child from a clearer, calmer mental state.

STRESS AND ANXIETY

Mindfulness is often used for stress reduction in children and adults. The goal with mindfulness techniques for stress reduction is to give children a set of tools that can be used to cope with daily stressful situations. 

Mindfulness can help children shift the focus from stress from past or future to what is happening now. Mindfulness is also useful in helping redirect and retrain the minds automated reactions to difficult situations allowing for a healthier response.

TECHNIQUES TO USE WITH INFANTS

Although babies don’t have language they communicate through emotions and are very perceptive to the emotions around them. Infants as young as 6-8 weeks of age can recognize voices and smells of their parents and mindfulness at this age simply taps into those senses. 

Although mindfulness techniques at this age won’t create measurable results they are very beneficial for the parent to help disconnect from day to day stresses and be present with your baby. It is also a great way to help your learn how to develop mindfulness with your child as they grow. 

Practicing baby massage daily is a great way to start.  Wait about 40-60 minutes after a feed before massaging the baby to try avoid spit ups. Tune into your babies cues, notice what they like and if it relaxes them. Notice if they calm with a massage. This is sometimes used by parents of fussy babies to help them relax and calm before being put down for a sleep. 

Be conscious to use very gentle pressure to massage the baby like a light touch, firm touching will hurt your baby so constantly be mindful of not putting pressure on any part of your baby. 

Babies can be massaged with clothes on or without, but it is not advised to remove their nappy as you may find when your baby relaxes so does their bowel. You might like to start on their neck and shoulders, gently caressing the head and moving down the body as you go. Spend around 5-10 minutes slowly and silently massaging your baby. Look at how they respond to your gaze and touch. Smile at your baby during the massage and if you like use some baby cream or oil.

Benefits of baby massage include enhanced bond between baby and caregiver, better sleep, positive boost in hormones, reduced crying and increased relaxation.  

TECHNIQUES TO USE WITH TODDLERS AND PRESCHOOLS

Meditation with a 2-3 year old may sound scary to any parents but its important to note that meditating at this age doesn’t mean sitting still in silence. Mindfulness at this age can involve using the five senses. 

Talk your child through an activity that they enjoy getting them to pay attention to their senses. For example, while in a bath as your child to tell you what the water feels like. If they need help with their words prompt them. Is the water cold? Does it feel smooth? Focus on each of the senses. When you use soap ask them questions like “What does the soap feel like? What does it smell like?” Ask them to look at the bath before and after the soap is used and ask them to tell you what has changed after using soap. What does it feel like when you are drying them with a towel? 

These exercises are a great way to teach a child of this age how to focus and it feeds their inquisitive mind helping them learn about the world. It is important at this age that parents model mindfulness behaviour. Modelling awareness, calm, non-judgmental attitudes can have a huge impact on your child.        

Try to incorporate a bed time guided meditation into your daily bedtime routine. Children have great imaginations and these meditations are fun too.

Goodnight Meditation

This meditation is great at creating a body mind awareness in young children.

Dim the lights and have your child lie in bed. Limit distracting background noise and then ask your child if they are comfortable. Ask them to close their eyes and ask them to breathe in and than breathe out. Keep repeating this to them and once they seem relaxed ask them to think about their feet. 

In a gentle voice, say “Lets think about your feet, what did your feet do today? Here they may answer you. Tell your child to just think about what their feet have done today but not to open their mouths. This may take a little practice but they will get it. Then continue “Think about your feet. What did your feet do today? Are your feet tired? Wiggle your feet and in your mind not with your mouth say than you feet for helping me walk today and good night. Move through to your legs and repeat the same thing. “What did your legs do today? Are they tired? Wiggle your legs gently and than your legs for everything they did today and then say in your mind “Goodnight legs.” 

Keep moving through each part of the body. If your child falls asleep just stop do not wake them to continue. If they are still awake, continue expanding their awareness to outside of them. Ask them to feel the bed they are lying on. Say thank you bed for keeping me comfortable and say goodnight bed. Than move to the room say thank your room for keeping me warm from outside and say goodnight room. You can continue  on other things that are important to the child like different toys, people, play equipment etc.  

To finish ask the child to again focus on their breathe. Say something like “now breathe in… and breathe out” Repeat this three or four times than stop. Wait for the child to respond as sometimes you will find they have fallen asleep without you realising it.     

TECHNIQUES FOR PRIMARY SCHOOL AGED CHILDREN

Children in primary school deal with many situations that test how they respond emotionally, spiritually, and physically. They have more language now but sometimes don’t know how to use it and it can create frustration therefore feeling supported and knowing how to create calm is very important to help grow into a confident young adult. 

Asking your child when they are upset to take literal step back, pause and ask themselves “Am I hungry, tired, angry, confused?” This is a great way to remove the heightened drama they can be feeling and focus on releasing the problem at hand. 

Guided Imagery

Young children may still have difficulty completing traditional meditation exercises. Using a guided imagery meditation may help bring young children’s focus back onto their breathe and can relax their thoughts. Exercises can start off lasting about a minute or two and over time you can increase the length of the meditation to 10 minutes or more.  

Yoga

Yoga can be a fun way to help create a strong mind and strong body with young children. It is also a great way to get kids to combine movement and meditation into other forms of meditation like breathing meditation and all at the same time letting them get their wiggles out. Yoga for kids can be found on YouTube or you can look for local yoga groups that involve group Yoga sessions for kids. If you are going to do yoga at home, make sure you create a safe and calm space before starting.  

Mindful Eating   

Eating is a mindful experience. We see, smell, taste and touch food. Playing games with children to create mindful eating can have tremendous benefits not only on their relationship with food but also on them thinking with a mindfulness attitude and build stamina and focus. 

An activity that can achieve mindfulness eating can be done during snack time. Gather a few items such as fruit pieces and treats and place them inside a bag that is not see through. Have your child sit on chai and close their eyes. Get them to put their hands inside the bag and with their eyes closed ask them to pull out one item and feel it in their hands. Once they have felt it in their hands ask them to smell it and then place it in their mouth and eat it. Tell them to focus on chewing and the taste. 

Once they have finished chewing ask them to describe what they ate without having seen the food. If you sense their thoughts shifting guide them through the exercise by prompting them to think about how each of their senses have reacted to the food.   

TIPS FOR TEENS AND MEDITATION

Many of the techniques your children have learnt in their younger years can be used as they grow. Under the meditation section of this web page there are examples of meditations that can be used on tweens and teens. Try it if they like it use it.   

Remember the following when beginning to modify your life to include mindfulness. 

Space matters: Choose your space wisely. Teens or tweens may or may not feel comfortable practicing meditation in their rooms. Whichever space you adopt make sure you create a positive experience in the space of choice. Talk to them about where they want to do the exercises and what they need to make the space more comfortable for them.   

Play it cool

Teens may not want to be told what they should do and leave it to them to explore about mindfulness on their own if they don’t want your help. Give them all the tools and let them know you are here as a resource if they need help. Pushing the idea if you feel resistance will almost always backfire. Try subtle suggestions or maybe giving them examples of people they look up to that meditate. For example, soccer stars or famous actresses. 

Model

Practice what you preach. If your child is particularly resistant to the idea do not push or judge them for these feelings. They may not be ready to change their way of thinking especially if mindfulness is a new idea in your home. Trust that they will participate when they are ready and adopt this mindset wherever possible at home.      

Try different techniques

Children are individual some may like yoga others my hate it and prefer guided meditations. The specific technique that is used does not matter. What matters is that the experience is enjoyable as this is what will make them return time and time again making it part of their everyday life.  

The benefits of adapting mindfulness in your household does not end with your children. Research has shown that children can benefit from learning mindfulness from parents. In fact incorporating mindfulness into everyday life may have long lasting powerful effects on your child and the over all dynamics within the family. If one technique does not work, try another. 

There are hundreds if not thousands of different meditations that you can use to help adapt a mindful way of thinking so find the one that best suits your child. What has been written on this website is only a small example of what you can used. The most important part to remember when adapting mindfulness in your life is to be consistent and patient. With time your childs ability to connect with themselves, the environment and those around them will grow.